High-Octane Nightmare Fuel

[22:53] Jisa: oh come on
[22:53] Jisa: what's a bottle of beer gonna do
[22:53] Anthony Ha: *imagines*
[22:53] Anthony Ha: *Mission Impossible BGM*
[22:54] Anthony Ha: *Drives a Honda Civic off a cliff, that turns into a harrier jet*
[22:54] Anthony Ha: *Parachutes from the jet onto an ocean liner, filled with beautiful women*
[22:54] Anthony Ha: *Finds that the ocean liner has no liquor, considers it a trap, and swims to Scotland*
[22:55] Anthony Ha: *Begins wearing a kilt*
[22:55] Anthony Ha: *WAKES UP FROM NIGHTMARE*
[22:55] Anthony Ha: Shit
[22:55] Anthony Ha: I will NOT have that beer.
[22:55] Jisa: kilts scare you that much?
[22:55] Anthony Ha: I don't... like... wearing skirts...
[22:55] Anthony Ha: brings back... the memories...
[22:56] Anthony Ha: ERASE
[22:56] Jisa: would there happen to be physical proof of said memories?
[22:56] Anthony Ha: Don't let my nightmare... become yours too

To Be Honest, I Had My Head Down the Whole Time

[07:16] Random Chick: hey
[07:16] Random Chick: r u bz?
[07:18] Anthony Ha: I'm a little drunk, if that counts.
[07:19] Random Chick: The following items help you judge the quality of the website.
[07:19] Random Chick: 1.) The authority and the number of hits 2.) the funding and the number of hits 3.) the details on the site and the timeliness of the site 4.) the funding source and the information’s timeliness
[07:19] Random Chick: maybe the last one?
[07:19] Random Chick: the fundin source...
[07:20] Anthony Ha: Details and timeliness
[07:21] Random Chick: 100% sure?
[07:21] Anthony Ha: I'm drunk
[07:21] Random Chick: so i guess not

Problem, Morality?

[23:44] Anthony Ha: I only have one rule, and that's "don't mess around with a girl if you know she'll get hurt in the end."
[23:45] Anthony Ha: ever since I came up with that rule, I've been single.
[23:45] Anthony Ha: Stupid rules.
[23:45] Jisa: i'm sorry
[23:45] Jisa: but it is a good rule
[23:45] Anthony Ha: BAH
[23:46] Anthony Ha: I can't sleep with drunk girls, I can't sleep with married girls, I can't sleep with girls who have boyfriends... and at my age they’re all I seem to run into.

Problem, Rapist?

[23:09] Jisa: my tolerance has gone up though
[23:09] Anthony Ha: I'm glad to hear it
[23:09] Jisa: i can do half the bottle
[23:10] Jisa: at least
[23:10] Anthony Ha: it always warms my heart when I find that a woman can drink
[23:10] Jisa: i blame stress
[23:10] Anthony Ha: I guess I need to go find me some stressed out women
[23:13] Anthony Ha: Unlike most guys, I find it a huge turn off when girls get drunk too fast
[23:13] Anthony Ha: but anyway
[23:13] Anthony Ha: I think I've said it before
[23:13] Anthony Ha: but the best defense against date rape is a high tolerance
[23:13] Jisa: lol
[23:13] Anthony Ha: so you're doing this for your own protection
[23:13] Anthony Ha: kanpai!

Problem, Pseudonyms?

[23:04] Anthony Ha: you can use my account on crunchyroll if you want better quality or faster subs
[23:04] Jisa: thanks
[23:04] Jisa: must write that down
[23:05] Jisa: can't really be counted on to remember anything at the moment
[23:05] Jisa: including my own name...
[23:05] Anthony Ha: don't worry, I'll incorrectly remind you
[23:06] Anthony Ha: if you wake up under the impression that your name is "Shawanda," it's probably my fault.
[23:06] Jisa: lol
[23:06] Jisa: too many names
[23:06] Jisa: can't keep it all straight sometimes
[23:07] Anthony Ha: It's okay, Taniqua.

Problem, Liver?

[22:40] Jisa: hey
[22:40] Anthony Ha: you again
[22:40] Anthony Ha: how come I only get messages from you when I'm drunk?
[22:40] Anthony Ha: or maybe I'm always drunk
[22:40] Anthony Ha: no matter
[22:40] Anthony Ha: how are you?
[22:40] Jisa: not drunk
[22:40] Jisa: and kinda envious of your drunkness
[22:41] Anthony Ha: that's somewhat of a sad statement
[22:41] Jisa: i think i might be developing a bit of a problem...
[22:41] Jisa: but no matter

Tastes Like Tomorrow's Gonna Suck

[09:44] Jisa: this is probably tmi but i just threw up... it feels like something is pounding in the front of my skull trying to get out
[09:45] Anthony Ha: And that's why you don't go out for drinks with aliens.
[09:45] Jisa: lol
[09:46] Jisa: am i hung over?
[09:46] Anthony Ha: if you don't remember, then yes.
[09:46] Jisa: i had 2 sips
[09:53] Anthony Ha: Two sips of what?
[09:54] Jisa: chinese rice wine
[09:54] Anthony Ha: You mean that stuff that tastes like pure gasoline?
[09:54] Jisa: ...yes?
[09:55] Anthony Ha: Well there's your answer.
[09:56] Anthony Ha: The last time I drank pure gasoline, I developed cancer and died. You're lucky you just got a headache.

Wrong Kind of "Flash"

[13:01] Anthony Ha: do you have an extra external HD with 50 to 100GB free?
[13:01] Tu-Anh Nguyen: yes
[13:01] Tu-Anh Nguyen: are you giving me porn
[13:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: scratch that
[13:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: are you giving me hentai
[13:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: LOAD UP!
[13:02] Anthony Ha: Well uh, I... Um...
[13:02] Anthony Ha: Was... uh... thinking... of getting you the Flash study materials...
[13:02] Anthony Ha: but uh... porn it is.

Will You Do DEATH INSTEAD?

[16:34] Anthony Ha: I'm gonna start scouring teh interwebz for some rulebooks
[16:34] Anthony Ha: print them out at work
[16:34] Anthony Ha: and make us copies
[16:36] Tu-Anh Nguyen: I... don’t do books...
[16:37] Anthony Ha: Don't worry; I've learned this secret technique where I beat you over the head with it until you decide to read it in earnest.
[16:38] Anthony Ha: 11 out of 10 times, it fails.
[16:38] Anthony Ha: But I really want to beat you with a book.

What She Said Was "AHHHH! MY LITTLE TIMMY!"

[11:48] Anthony Ha: I'm trying to practice using this shitty pen tablet
[11:48] Anthony Ha: it's so...small...
[11:48] Anthony Ha: it's really hard to do anything accurately with it
[11:49] Tu-Anh Nguyen: thats...what....she--nm
[11:51] Anthony Ha: Hrm...
[11:51] Anthony Ha: That's a strike
[11:51] Anthony Ha: Not only is it a strike
[11:51] Anthony Ha: but when you swung you reached out so far that the bat slipped out of your hands and nailed a toddler in the bleachers.
[11:51] Tu-Anh Nguyen: YEAH!!!

Anthonys are Friends, Not Food

[21:05] Tu-Anh Nguyen: I got you something from Comic Con
[21:05] Anthony Ha: oh?
[21:05] Anthony Ha: I wanna see
[21:05] Tu-Anh Nguyen: it’s a nick fury eye patch BIOTCH!
[21:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: you sound disappointed
[21:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: fine I got something else for ya
[21:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: I'm sick from the con, so come over so I can lick ya
[21:07] Tu-Anh Nguyen: hmm...you still sound disappointed
[21:07] Anthony Ha: I only enjoy licks from non-attached women.
[21:07] Anthony Ha: Otherwise, they're like poison.
[21:08] Anthony Ha: I get the "stalked and killed by boyfriend" disease.

That's Not Dirt, That's Armor

[11:24] Tu-Anh Nguyen: we need germs
[11:24] Tu-Anh Nguyen: to train our system
[11:25] Anthony Ha: You know, scientists are talking about how hand sanitizers, disinfectants, etc. can only kill 99.9% of germs, and therefore the surviving .1% end up becoming totally immune to the sanitizers and disinfectants, becoming uber-germs.
[11:25] Anthony Ha: over time, we're going to be completely defenseless.
[11:26] Tu-Anh Nguyen: better start training your system NOW
[11:26] Tu-Anh Nguyen: Thursday 10/07: Day one with no shower
[11:28] Anthony Ha: Immune System Boot Camp commences.
[11:28] Anthony Ha: Your little pussy ass white blood cells will become stone cold killers after two to three months of no showers.
[11:29] Anthony Ha: Actually, considering how much you shower, vs. how much I shower, your immune system would probably annihilate mine in an arm wrestling match.

Homey Don't Play Dat

[15:55] Tu-Anh Nguyen: sucks that I can only invite one person to the clown wars season premiere event this friday
[15:55] Anthony Ha: CLOWN WARS
[15:55] Anthony Ha: I WANT TO SEE CLOWN WARS
[15:55] Anthony Ha: With unicycles and pies and seltzer bottles!
[15:55] Anthony Ha: TO THE DEATH!
[15:57] Tu-Anh Nguyen: Clone Wars*
[15:57] Anthony Ha: Yeah that sucks. But what would really suck is if there WAS a Clown Wars event and I wasn't invited.
[15:58] Anthony Ha: I'd come to your house and unplug every device, just out of spite.
[15:58] Tu-Anh Nguyen: what does THAT have anything to do with battles of midgets with make-up and wigs on!?!
[15:59] Anthony Ha: Because it's a really cool method of revenge and I'm surprised I didn't think of it sooner.

I'd Pay With My Life If I Had One

[11:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: let’s make a fake check...those BIG ones
[11:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: and bring it to China
[11:02] Tu-Anh Nguyen: "here's the money we owe you....JUST KIDDING!!!!"
[11:05] Anthony Ha: Dude if we EVER pay China back all the money we owe them
[11:06] Anthony Ha: they're going to just conquer us and take over the world
[11:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: yup...which is why we will never pay them back
[11:06] Anthony Ha: see, debt saves lives
[11:06] Anthony Ha: *high five*
[11:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: *both hands high five*
[11:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: sorry I slapped your face
[11:06] Tu-Anh Nguyen: your face looked like it wanted to high five me too
[11:07] Anthony Ha: It did. And I am grateful. Excuse me while I remove the shattered remnants of my glasses from my face.